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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #271
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    May 2011
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    The great poetry contest :

    All the great poets of the world decided to have a great poetry contest. After thousands of local, regional, state , national, and world-regional contests , it came to 2 finalists :

    An Oxford-educated Englishman and a high school-dropout West Virginia hillbilly .

    The 2 were brought up on stage and given the rules , which were simple. They would draw straws for the order and each be given 30 seconds to think up a poem.

    The Englishman drew the short straw and went first. The hillbilly was led off to a sound-proof room.

    The Englishman was told he had 30 seconds to come up with a poem that ended with the word " Timbuktu " .

    He thought for about 25 seconds and began :

    " The sun rose , the wind blew,
    our destination was Timbuktu "

    The crowd went wild. The Englishman strode smugly off the stage , believing there was no way a dumb hillbilly could top that .

    The hillbilly was brought to the stage and told he had 30 seconds to think of a poem that ended with the word " Timbuktu "

    He thought for 10 seconds and began :

    " On a camping trip went Tim and I ,

    Upon 3 girls we happened by ,

    them of 3 and us of 2 ,

    I bucked one and Tim bucked tu . "
    Last edited by bambam; 06-21-2017 at 04:26 PM.

  2. #272
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    An elderly couple were at home watching TV.
    Phil had the remote and was switching back and
    forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
    Mary became more and more annoyed and finally said,
    "For God's sake, Phil... leave it on the porn channel…
    you already know how to fish!"
    *
    *
    *

  3. #273
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    Lmao bam, those are great.
    Don't bring skittles to a gun fight.

  4. #274
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    Hahahaha
    "Improvise, adapt & overcome"
    Clint Eastwood - Heartbreak Ridge

  5. #275
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    *
    The* Swede's wife steps up* to the tee and, as* she bends over to
    place her ball, a gust of* wind* blows her skirt up and reveals her
    lack of underwear. 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any
    skivvies?',* Ole demanded. 'Well' she said, 'you don't* give* me
    enough housekeeping money to* afford any.' The* Swede* immediately
    reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency,* here's* a
    50. Go and buy yourself some underwear..' ***************

    *
    Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her
    skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
    'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers Why not?' She replies,
    'I can't afford any on the money you give me.' Patrick reaches into
    his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy
    yourself some underwear"!
    *
    Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt
    over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.. 'Sweet
    mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where at friggin hell are yer drawers?' She
    too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money at be able at affarrd
    any.' The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the
    love 'o decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit.'

  6. #276
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    Ewwwwww Lol
    Don't bring skittles to a gun fight.

  7. #277
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    Lmao
    "Improvise, adapt & overcome"
    Clint Eastwood - Heartbreak Ridge

  8. #278
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    Manhattan NY
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    Something to ponder
    A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home.
    But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house.
    When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.
    He couldn't say he had no children, because he couldn't lie -- we all know lawyers cannot and do not lie.
    So he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.
    He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.
    He loved one of the homes and the price was right -- the agent asked:
    "How many children do you have?
    He answered: "Twelve."
    The agent asked "Where are the others?"
    The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered "They're in the cemetery with their mother."
    MORAL: It's not necessary to lie, one only needs to choose the right words… and don't forget, most politicians are, unfortunately, lawyers.

  9. #279
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    HAHA, good one Charlie.

  10. #280
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    If your boyfriend remembers your eye color after your first date, you probably have very small boobs.

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