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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #291
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    Lol
    "Improvise, adapt & overcome"
    Clint Eastwood - Heartbreak Ridge

  2. #292
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    May 2011
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    *
    An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their new mobile phones.
    *
    *
    The wife was a romantic type and a retired English teacher of the classics.
    *
    The husband a retired Marine Sgt. Major was more of a no-nonsense guy.
    *
    One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.* She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
    *
    "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile.* If you are eating, send me a bite.* If you are drinking, send me a sip.* If you are crying, send me your tears.* I love you."
    *
    The husband texted back to her: "On the toilet.* Please advise."
    *
    *

  3. #293
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    Lmao that's great!
    Don't bring skittles to a gun fight.

  4. #294
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    How politics works

    I ASKED MY SON, " WILL YOU MARRY THE GIRL I CHOOSE." HE SAID, "NO."
    I TOLD HIM, "SHE IS BILL GATES' DAUGHTER."
    HE SAID, "YES."

    I CALLED BILL GATES AND SAID, "I WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY MY SON,"
    BILL GATES SAID, "NO"
    I TOLD BILL GATES, "MY SON IS THE C.E.O. OF THE WORLD BANK."
    BILL GATES SAID, "OK"

    I CALLED THE PRESIDENT OF WORLD BANK AND ASKED HIM TO MAKE MY SON THE C.E.O.
    HE SAID, "NO"
    I TOLD HIM, "MY SON IS BILL GATES' SON-IN-LAW"
    HE SAID, "OK"

    THIS IS EXACTLY HOW POLITICS WORKS

  5. #295
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    A woman concerned about her husband's health goes to a doctor for help:

    What seems to be the problem asks the doctor.

    My husband is getting angry everyday and it's getting worse and scaring me!

    The doctor replies I have a cure for that, every time your husband starts to get upset or angry take a big drink of water, swish it around in your mouth. Don't swallow it, just swish and swish until he calms down or leaves the room.

    A couple of weeks later the woman returns looking fresh and reborn.

    That was a brilliant idea doctor, every time my husband started losing his temper, I took a glass of water and started just swishing it and swishing it and he calmed right down. How does a simple glass of water do that?

    The water isn't doing anything says the doctor, it's keeping your mouth shut that's the trick.............
    Don't bring skittles to a gun fight.

  6. #296

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    I see no humor in that.
    Remember what Einstein said:
    I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

  7. #297
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    Quote Originally Posted by Camouflaged View Post
    I see no humor in that.
    Me neither............................ laughed so hard my ribs hurt now , and I can't find my horse liniment.

  8. #298
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    Hahaha
    "Improvise, adapt & overcome"
    Clint Eastwood - Heartbreak Ridge

  9. #299
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    Quote Originally Posted by Camouflaged View Post
    I see no humor in that.
    Might not be any humor in it, but it sure is funny as hell! To be honest , though, I know a few men who should fill there mouth with water and just swish it around. It works two ways.

  10. #300
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    Reminds me of my mom, God rest her soul. When I was a boy it took her 30 minutes to tell me my fly was un-zipped.

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