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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #201
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    South East US
    Posts
    1,100

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    Vox Populi!

  2. #202
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    1,337

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    *
    *It was a* small town and the patrolman was making his* evening rounds..
    As he was checking a used car* lot, he came upon two little old ladies
    sitting in* a used car..
    *
    *
    He stopped* and asked them why they were sitting there in the* car or were
    they trying to steal it?
    *
    *
    'Heavens* no, we bought it.'
    *
    *
    'Then why* don't you drive it away.'
    *
    *
    We can't* drive.'
    *
    *
    Then why* did you buy it?'
    *

    'We were* told that if we bought a Used car here
    We'd* get screwed ......so we're just* waiting.
    *

  3. #203
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    18

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    ROFL Unfortunately, there are a lot of clueless people that believe that.

  4. #204
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
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    3,017

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    Obama went to England to visit the Queen. She met him at the airport and they drove away in a white Rolls Royce Limo. After a bit, they stopped and changed modes of transportation to a beautiful horse drawn carriage pulled by four of the most beautiful horses you can imagine. As they were "clip-clopping" along Obama and the Queen were having a wonderful conversation, when all at once one the horses let go a silent, but most odorous "blast of gas". The Queen, waving her hanky in front of her nose, said, "I'm so sorry, Mr. President, but you have to understand there are some things that not even a Queen can control". Obama replied, "That's okay, Your Highness. Why, honestly, I thought it was one of the horses."

  5. #205
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    1,337

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    A teacher was doing an experiment with her second grade class. She gave them different flavored Lifesavers and had them guess the flavors . The class guessed cherry, lemon, etc. Then the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers and asked them what flavor it was. None of the class knew so she said, " sometimes your mother might call your daddy this " .

    My daughter spit out her lifesaver and said , " Oh my God , they're Assholes " !!!

  6. #206
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    NJ (anti gun I know, I live it)
    Posts
    573

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    Lmao!
    "Improvise, adapt & overcome"
    Clint Eastwood - Heartbreak Ridge

  7. #207
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    1,337

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    An elderly retired gentleman decided to take a job as a Walmart greeter. First day on the job a woman with 2 kids came through the door.

    She was dressed like a whore, ugly as sin , and was yelling and cursing her 2 boys unmercifully. The man had never heard a woman use such foul language. As she walked up to him he smiled and said , " welcome to Walmart Ma'am , are those twins " ??

    She looked at him in disbelief and said, " Are you F'n blind or just F'n stupid !! One's 9 and one's 5 years old ! ??

    The man smiled and said, " I'm neither blind or stupid Ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice "
    Last edited by bambam; 02-05-2017 at 02:46 PM.

  8. #208
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    N. Texas
    Posts
    5,963

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    Lol Bam!!
    "The First Gay President", L'dMAO!! "Peace can ONLY be achieved through SUPERIOR FIREPOWER, STOMPING LIBS and CARPETBOMBING"!!

  9. #209
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    NJ (anti gun I know, I live it)
    Posts
    573

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    lol
    "Improvise, adapt & overcome"
    Clint Eastwood - Heartbreak Ridge

  10. #210
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    1,337

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    All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

    Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

    *

    *

    Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.



    The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.



    After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

    *
    Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
    Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

    It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.



    Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.



    Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.



    Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.



    This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

    Sent from my iPhone

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