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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    East Tennessee
    Posts
    184

    Default

    The Pope took a couple of days off to do some sight-seeing in Alaska. He was cruising around a campground in the Pope mobile when there was a
    frantic commotion at the edge of the woods.

    A helpless liberal-progressive, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "Obama 2012" T-shirt, was screaming while frantically
    thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-feet-tall grizzly bear.

    As the Pope watched horrified, a group of loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest... The other two
    reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious activist from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear
    and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured man in the back seat.

    As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there
    was a bitter hatred between loggers and liberal environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that love overcomes hate."

    As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?"

    "It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."

    "Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure don't know nothin' about bear hunting! Is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back
    to California and snatch another one?"
    Last edited by One Shot; 10-30-2014 at 10:03 AM.
    "Sometimes paranoia is just having all the facts." - William S. Burroughs

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Tx Hillcountry
    Posts
    1,303

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    1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is
    grown up when he starts removing it.

    2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that
    the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

    3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a
    hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.

    4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of
    mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.

    5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson,
    Heineken, Carlsberg, & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will
    grab whatever is available.

    AND

    I haven't verified this on Snopes, but it sounds legit...A recent study
    found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men
    who mention it.
    777 FGG

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    USSA
    Posts
    2,513

    Default

    Snopes says you're a sexist

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Tx Hillcountry
    Posts
    1,303

    Default

    Kinda like you bein a solo-ist?
    777 FGG

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    USSA
    Posts
    2,513

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TripSeven View Post
    Kinda like you bein a solo-ist?
    Not yet

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    florida
    Posts
    589

    Default


  7. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    N. Texas
    Posts
    6,108

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TripSeven View Post
    Kinda like you bein a solo-ist?
    What are you sayin Trip? He's a Flute puffer? LOL
    "The First Gay President", L'dMAO!! "Peace can ONLY be achieved through SUPERIOR FIREPOWER, STOMPING LIBS and CARPETBOMBING"!!

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Sitting on my fat ass
    Posts
    9,780

    Default

    Turd burglar ?
    Cry in training - laugh in battle

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    USSA
    Posts
    2,513

    Default Worth Repeating !

    If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!!

    A young Canadian paratrooper was taking some College courses between assignments.
    He had completed 3 tours of duty in Afghanistan.
    One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the Canadian Civil Liberties Association(CCLA).

    One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform...I'll give you exactly 15 min."

    The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor
    proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting."

    It got down to the last couple of minutes when the soldier got out of his chair, went up to the
    professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him clean off the platform. The professor was out cold.
    The young soldier went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

    The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the soldier and asked, "What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

    The young soldier stood up and calmly replied, "GOD was too busy today protecting soldiers, who are protecting your right to speak such stupidity and act like an idiot. So He sent me."

    The classroom erupted in cheers!

    PS - He was charged with assault, but the case was dismissed for lack of witnesses
    Last edited by B&C USA; 11-09-2014 at 05:04 AM.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Tx Hillcountry
    Posts
    1,303

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    One fine sunny morning, the priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.

    “What’s wrong with you?” said the priest.

    “Well,” said the frog, “the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn’t always a frog.”

    “Really!” said the priest. “Can you explain!”

    “Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest.

    ‘Let me pass!’ I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you.”

    “That’s an incredible story” said the priest. “Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?.”

    “Yes” said the frog, “It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home. Feed me, keep me warm and I will turn back in to a little boy!

    “Today’s your lucky day!” said the priest, and picked up the frog and took him home.

    The priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him.

    When the priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old choirboy beside him in bed.


    “And that your honour is the case for the Defence” .
    777 FGG

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